LovE fLies LiKe a bUtterFLy

Two friends of mine fought these past few days. I thought I won’t get myself involve besides the fight was between them. I played a safe game while I’m in the middle of a war… Maybe you are asking what kind of arguement did they have and they can’t just forgive each other. Well, its a complicate one that I don’t want to detail with.

Well, I thought things will be ok if I just shut my mouth and not choose between them. Besides, there is no right and wrong among them. Its just misunderstanging and less communication. Anyway, I received a text message from a friend telling me about the phone that our friend gave her. Our friend is a generous person, she is used to giving people things. That’s how she shows her appreciation and value for friendship.

I dont know how I get involved with their fight. One thing I know right now when I opened my friendster account is that, she deleted the videos she did to my friendster profile. She is the one who maintains all my accounts because she’s good at it.

I wished she could have explained to me why our friendship ended this way. She told me before that I wont get involve between their fight because I didnt do anything and yet, I now belong to her list of enemies. I wished she could read this stuff so I could get her explanation.

I hate it when you tell me I have a pretty face… Because what will happen if I dont look pretty anymore?

I hate it when you tell me you need me,.. what will happen if you dont need me anymore???

I hate it when you tell me I am interesting… What if, you dont find me interesting anymore?? What will happen next???

Love doesnt need a reason… Because Love has no reason…

A girl is in love with her boyfriend… One day she asked him out but the guy said that he is busy for work and is going for a business trip. They don’t see each other that often because the guy doesn’t have time for her.

One day, the girl went out with her friends. They watched a movie in a mall and ate in a restaurant when she saw her boyfriend walking in the same mall with another girl.

Instead of confronting her, the girl texted her boyfriend, saying, “I know that you’re busy at work. take care always. I love you”.

That is love… Love is not really blind. It sees but it never mind…

Alam ko bato ka. Hindi ko nga alam na may pakiramdam ka. Hindi ko naman ata talaga malalaman na may pakiramdam ka kung hindi ka lang nagtext sa akin at nagsabi ng mga bagay na gusto mong sabihin. Alam mo kung ano’ng una kong reaksyon??? Wala…. Pinagpawisan lang ako. Hindi ko kasi kayang magalit sa’yo kahit sa lahat ng nakilala ko ikaw lang ang nakakapagsabi sa akin ng mga ganoong bagay.

Wala naman ako masabi. Kaya ayun, para akong nangangatog na sumunod naman bigla sayo… Ginagawa ko lahat ng sinasabi mo. Hindi ko nga ba malaman kung bakit ko dapat gawin ang mga bagay na ‘yun na pwede namang hindi. Siguro dahil unti-unti ko na rin nagugustuhan ang presensya mo sa tabi ko. Siguro dahil masaya ako sa atensyon na binibigay mo. Hindi ko masasabing mahilig akong magparamdam ng nararamdaman ko sa ibang tao. Minsan pa nga tago ito. At minsan pa nga, kapag andyan ka na…. Deadma lang ako. Pero ang totoo…. Sa loob ko…. natutuwa ako.

Pakiramdam ko nasasakal ako. Pero iniisip ko na lang. Siguro ganun talaga… Siguro ganun talaga iyon at ganyan ka talaga…. Siguro kailangan ko lang lawakan pa ang aking pag-unawa… Hahaha.,.. Nakakatuwa talaga.. Sa susunod, mas iintindihin na lang kita….

Here are some EMO quotes that i just bump into the internet

~How many times did I have to cry before you would actually listen.

~So what if I like black it doesn’t make me a bad person.

~Things to do today: 1. Get Up  2. Survive  3. Go back to bed

~I don’t run from you, I walk away slowly, and it kills me, cause you don’t even care enough to stop me.

~Never make someone your everything, cause when they’re gone you’ve got nothing.

~Sorry I just can’t be everything you’ve ever wanted.

~The truth is you could slit my throat and with my last dying breath I’d apologize for bleeding on your shirt.

~I was so stupid to think that for one second you actually cared.

~”I love you” is eight letters long but then again so is “bullshit”

~You know you love him when everynight you can’t help but cry because you know he’s not yours, he’s hers.

~I’m not crying over what you said, it’s what you didn’t say that hurts the most.

~I don’t miss you, I miss the person I thought you were.

~They both fell in love with each other and neither wanted to admit it because neither one wanted to ruin their friendship.

~Pain doesn’t hurt… when its all you’ve ever felt.

~I wish I had saved all the tears you made me cry so I could fucking drown you in them.

I don’t consider myself EMO.. I guess I’m just one of those intellectual guys who knows how to express themselves… So what if I am a real EMO??? There’s nothing wrong with it anyway… Haahaha

August 18, 1973
Fort Bonifacio
Makati, Rizal

Ms. Maria Elena C. Aquino
25 Times St. Quezon City

My dearest Ballsy,

I write you this letter with tears in my eyes and as if steel fingers are crushing my heart because I wanted so much to be with you as you celebrate your legal emancipation. Now that you have come of age, my love, a voice tells me that I am no longer young and suddenly, I feel old.

An old poet gave this advice very long ago “when you are sad, remember the roses will bloom in December.” I want to send you bouquet of roses, big red roses from my dreamland garden. Unfortunately for the present, my roses are not in bloom, in fact they have dropped all their petals and only the thorns are left to keep me company. I do think it is fitting to send you a thicket of thorns on this memorable day!

I am very proud of you because you have inherited all the best traits of your mother. You are sensible, responsible, even-tempered and sincere with the least pretenses and affection which vehemently detest in a woman. I am sure like your mother, you will possess that rare brand of silent courage and that combination of fidelity and fortitude that will be the life vest of your man in the tragic moments of his life.

During my lonely hours of solitary confinement in Fort Magsaysay, Laur, Nueva Ecija last March and April with nothing else to do but pray and daydream, with only my fond memories to keep me company, I planned a weekend barrio fiesta for you in Tarlac for your 18th birthday. I fooled myself into believing that my ordeal would end with the fiscal year.

I planned to invite all your classmates and friends and their families for the weekends.
The schedule called for an early departure by bus from Manila and the first stop will be Concepcion , where lunch will be served by the pool. And after lunch, you were to visit the SantaRitaElementary School to distribute cookies and ice cream to the children of that public school where you were first enrolled.

I guess sheer nostalgia prompted me to include Santa Rita. We were only three then: Mommie, you and I. Those were the days of happy memories little responsibilities, tremendous freedom, a great future ahead and capped by a fulfillment of love.. You are the first fruit of our union, the first proof of our love and the first seal of our affections.

From Concepcion we were to proceed to Luisita for the barrio fiesta. I intended to invite a friend who could roast an entire cow succulently. Swimming, pelota, dancing and eating would have been the order of the day.

Sunday morning was reserved for a trip around the Hacienda and the mill and maybe golf for some of the parents and later a picnic-lunch on Uncle Tony’s Island . Return to Manila after lunch. I am afraid this will have to remain as one of the many dreams I had in Laur.

Our future has suddenly become uncertain and our fate unknown. I am even now beginning to doubt whether I’ll ever be able to return to you and the family. Hence, I would like to ask you these special favors.

Love your mother, whose love for you, you will never be able to match. She is not the greatest mother in the world, she is your sincerest friend.

Take care of your younger sisters and brother and lavish them with the love and care I would like to continue giving them but am unable to do so.

Help Noy-noy along and pray hard that he will grow to be a real, responsible man who in later years will protect you all.

You are the model for your three younger sisters. Your responsibility is therefore great. Please endeavor to live up to our highest expectations. Be more tolerant to Pinky , more accessible to Viel, our little genius-princess, and more charitable to Krissy, our baby doll, and make up for my neglect.

Finally, forgive me, my love, for not having been an ideal, good and thoughtful father to you all as I pursued public office. I had hopes and high resolve of making up, but I am afraid my destiny will not oblige.

I seal this letter with a drop of tear and a prayer in my heart, that somehow, somewhere we shall meet again and I will finally be able to make up for all my lapses, in the kingdom where justice reigns supreme and love is eternal.

I love you,
Dad

People don’t understand what it means to love someone. Love is not something you can be selfish about. It is a give and take situation, notice give being the first word in that. Love is not about what the person you’re with is doing to make you happy, it’s about what you’re doing to make them happy. Now the person you’re with should be thinking along the same lines so it’s not a take-take situation on their part.

All ideals about love being completely intense and passionate all the time should be thrown away. Love is not an entertainer, it is not going to constantly create excitement and passion. I’m not saying it never will but don’t expect it to constantly be exciting. Know that even in the quiet times love is there, even as you do mundane tasks, it is there. If it is true and you are not lying to yourself about it, it will always be there.

I don’t believe you can fall out of love with someone because if that happens you never really loved them, you were infatuated yes, but not in love. A relationship that lasts years and ends doesn’t mean you truely loved the person, you did “love” them in a way but you never had true love.

The sad thing is not many people in this world find true love. They find common everyday love that cannot stand the test of time but not true love. True love lasts and though I know this is a cliche you really have to understand what I mean by “true love”. By this I mean that if you are selfish about love and believe that it must make you happy at all times you will never have true love. True love is an understanding of what it means to be in love. It means giving and sacrificing more than you think you can. Now there is no right person. There are many millions of people in the world so how could you hope to discover a “soulmate”? Only when you understand true love can you be with someone and be truely in love.

Natutulog ako kahapon. Tanghali na ata ako nagising. Akala ko nga gising na ako dahil nanaginip ako na parang totoong-totoo. Pagkatapos nun, minulat ko ang mga mata ko at nasabi ko sa aking sarili “panaginip lang pala”. Pagkatapos ay bumangon na ako, syempre, inisip ko na nung Friday pa lang kung ano ang gagawin ko sa Sabado. At iyon ay ang maglaba.

Dumeretso muna ako sa sala, at nakita ko ang buo kong kapamilya nanonood ng balita. Headlines… “Mga alaala ni Cory Aquino”. Nagulat ako… “Patay na ba siya?” tanong ko. “Oo…Kanina pa alas-tres ng umaga”, sagot ni ate gladys (asawa ng kuya ko).

Nabigla ako at nanglaki ang aking mga mata. Three days ago pa lang kasi, bago ako ihatid ni papa dahil nanood pa muna ako ng balita, sinabi ko “wala na yan si cory. Mamamatay na sya. Matanda na kasi eh”.

Ngayon nagkatotoo ang sinabi ko… At hindi lang iyon. Siguro dahil sa adik ako sa facebook dahil pinag-aaralan ko pa kung paano sya gamitin, eh sumagi sya sa panaginip ko. Kasama ang mga madalas kong ka-chat ay napag-usapan nila na patay na si Cory. At may kinalaman na naman ang number 3. 3 am sya nawala ng Agosto 1. Hanggang nagyon ay hindi pa nga nagsi-sink in sa utak ko ang pagkawala niya. Mabait syang tao eh. Marami pa sana tayong matututunan sa kanya. Sayang…

Kung gumagana na naman ang aking psychic powers ngayon, natutuwa ako. Kasi hindi na din naman bago sa akin ang mga bagay na alam kong mangyayari bago pa sila mangyari. Para hindi na ako nabibigla. Para hindi masyadong masakit. Marami pa sana ako experience sa ganito na nais kong ibahagi sa lahat pero sa susunod na lang siguro.

I love you not because of what you can give me, but because of what you can take,
I am so willing to give, I love you because… I love the me when I’m with you, sometimes you have to fight hard just to make love survive, get hurt, always badly but what’s important is that you gave it a shot, real love is never regretful and even if it fails to last, real love should only make you a better person, a stronger person, and in love real strength is knowing when to give up the fight and finally let go!”

One day I will disappear completely. The letters will mean nothing. The world will get tired of me. You will get tired of me. I will get tired of myself, and die. But I will never get tired of you. For you, there will be no endings. I will say your name over and over, like a refrain. My prayer to no one. Then i’ll be a flower, the one you’ll never pick. And will endure the breathless waiting till boundaries disappear. With nothing to do, I make new constellations. Images of you as I remember - Dancing. Sitting. Walking… There are stars from a different view. But still, i see nothing but you. Unfurling like a flower. Swiveling like a leaf… I once watched you sleep beside me. It was dark then, but the darkness is deeper now. Tonight in my dreams I will see you, my lady, clothed only in light… Like a kite, I’ve given my self up to the wind. I made friends with the sun. Confused the birds with strange and distant voyages. But it is you that ties the thread and hauls me down. Like a kite, I will forever hold your hand. And with a burning human longing, in your hands, I surrender. I will never get tired of you. For you there will be no endings. I will say your name over and over… Celine… Celine… like a refrain. My prayer to no one. You know I will never get far. And there is no need for my return. I’ve never been a traveler. For I have never left. I am lost, simply. Wanting to be in a place I’ve never been, and will never be. Of all destinations, I long to be lost in the fields of your hair, lost among your thoughts as you are already in mine. You are my imperative to live. My life started when I loved you. And that’s how I want it to end.

“Our search for love is our search for meaning in our lives, we could go on searching for it all of us trying forever, we may either succeed or we may fail, should we choose to look for love? there really is no more important person that should show us love but ourselves”.

“Ano nga ba ang mas tama ang mag bago ka para sa pagmamahal
o hayaan ang pag mamahal na baguhin ka? Lahat tayo nakakagawa ng pag kakamali sa buhay natin minsan maliit, yun yung mga tipong madling mapatawad at makalimutan, minsan malaki sa sobrang laki, pati tayo nahihirapan tayong patawarin ang sarili natin kaya pilit tayo nag babago, nag hahanap ng paraan para maitama ang mga mali para sa wakas maging karapat-dapat tayong mag mahal at mahalin.”

“Things can’t be perfect all the time, in reality life
comes with so many imperfections and these imperfections make life more interesting, more exciting, hindi dapat tayo mabuhay na laging takot humakbang na baka hindi ito ang tamang daan you have to take risk, at kung di sigurado ang steps natin we discover new things, we meet new people and soon you’ll realize na mas kaya mo pala higitan yung mga bagay na akala mo dati yun lang ang kaya mo, sa pagmamahal ganun din, di dapat tayo pangunahan ng takot na magkamali, na masaktan, even if we have notions kung sino ang dapat mahalin, kung pano sila dapat mahalin at kung bakit sila ang dapat nating mahalin, dahil malalaman natin sa bandang huli na kapag nagmamahal tayo, hindi naman talaga nai-kakahon ang puso at makakaya mo nang sabihin na.. mahal kita maging sino ka man.”

Broommm….

Tunog ng motorsiklo.

Alas-tres ng umaga, andyan na si papa. Parang alarm clock na nga para sa akin ang tunog ng motor ni papa. Syempre babangon na ako sa aking kama at maghahanda na sa pagpasok sa trabaho. Pagkatapos maligo at magbihis ng maganda. Suot ko ang paborito kong outfit na palda at may ternong blouse. Papatuyuin ko na ang aking buhok gamit ang blow-dryer. Syempre, kukulutin ko pa ito para mas lalong bongga.

Kakain ako ng almusal habang si papa ay nagpapahinga galing sa kanyang trabaho. At eto na… Alas-sais na ng umaga, gigisingin ko na si papa para makaalis na kaming dalawa. Hindi kasi kami pwedeng mahuli sa aming pasok. At ‘yun, dahil bagong gising, hilamos lang ang katapat niya. Pagkatapos niya daw ako ihatid ay babalik siya sa opisina para sa iba pang naiwan na gawain. Pagkatapos, uuwi sya ng tanghali sa bahay para ipagpatuloy ang pagpapahinga. Si papa talaga…. Isang taong wala laging pahinga.

At sa umagang iyon, magsisimula na ang byahe naming dalawa. Nakaangkas ako at nakayakap pa. Mahinahon syang magmaneho. Kahit kailan, kapag siya ang driver hindi talaga ako natatakot. Hindi sya kailanman nasangkot sa kahit ano’ng aksidente kaya naman palagay ako sa kanya kahit minsan ay wala akong helmet. Nakayakap ako ng mahigpit sa kanya. Wala akong pakialam kahit na lumilipad ang palda ko at nakikita ng ibang driver ang aking sexy na legs. Pakialam ko sa kanila. Naka cycling naman ako. Tsaka, maputi naman ang legs ko.

Wala akong pakialam sa dami ng usok na kumakapit sa damit at buhok ko. Basta masaya akong nakakapit kay papa. Pa-minsan minsan pa nga ay tinitingnan ko ang mga ibang sasakyan sa paligid at syempre kasama na din ang aming dinadaanan. Kahit araw-araw kong nakikita ang mga pare-parehas na building hindi pa din ako nagsasawa. Ganuon ata talaga kapag nakaangkas ako kay papa.

Habang sinusulat ko ito, dito sa computer shop naalala ko ang aking college life. Parang wala naman masyadong nagbago. Kahit na kumikita na ako para sa sarili ko, hindi pa rin halos nagbago ang sitwasyon. Angkas pa din ako ni papa sa kanyang motor. Hinahatid sa umaga. Magkasama kaming bumabyahe. Nakakatipid kasi at saka mabilis. Hindi ako nahuhuli. Isa pa, ito ata ang aming bonding moment bilang mag-ama - ang magkasamang bumayahe sa kalsada ng aming buhay.

Minsan nga naisip ko, paano na lang kung wala na ang motor ni papa, ihahatid pa kaya niya ako? Isa pa, hindi mananatiling malakas si papa para palagi na lang ako maihatid… Makakaya ko kaya ang bumayahe ng mag-isa?… Kahit anuman ang pwedeng mangyari sa hinaharap, wala akong pakialam. basta masaya ako na kasama ko si papa. Masaya ako na babyahe palagi na angkas niya ako at nakayakap ako sa kanya.

Ito ay alay ko sa aking mahal na tatay - Juanito Dequilla Piad